Let's talk a little about 2019.

It's May 2020 and you want to talk about the year 2019? 

Anyone who reads this blog memang knows I always post late one la (If anyone does, then hi!), so no difference. I say it in nearly every post of mine. But I also realized that I didn't talk much about my fellowship journey in 2019. 

For those who are close to me, they know how demanding my job can be. Plus with the weekend college to earn my Diploma in Education from IPG has kept me super busy. Even during the holidays, I'm using up my time to complete assignments, do some revision for the Sejarah syllabus and planning a few things. Also, slack a little and take abit of my time to rest haha.

During my year 1 as a fellow, I have faced several hardships throughout the journey. There were times when I wanted to just drop everything and leave. I feel that it does take a toll on your mental health, you start to dwindle on the thoughts if you're ever good enough. Especially when you expect so much from your ownself and sometimes you tend to forget that everyone has their own struggles too. However, the thoughts of not being good enough plays in your head everytime. You are your own worst critic!

There are days where I could assure myself that it is a good experience. I mean I can't consistently have bad experiences, there has to be some good ones. So, let's talk a little about 2019, shall we? 

Dealing with a bunch of kids sure is difficult, and when I first became a teacher, I was adamant on helping them change etc. Bla bla, new teacher things. After a few tears and breakdowns, I realized that I've been doing it wrong. (I am still adamant on helping my students but I'm doing it in a different style now).

Sometimes, you find it difficult to even understand why are the kids the way they are. You start to question, if you were like this back then? Maybe. Maybe not. 

This is literally their attendance btw, it's always 10-15 kids out of 40 kids who attend school. 

For example, this class. They're literally the class which has a reputation in the school (Get the hint). Most of them lack of motivation and half of the time they either skip class or sleep in the class whilst the teacher is teaching right in front of them. I even had a squabble with them before when it was my first few months, I didn't like entering their class because I felt it was extremely forced on both sides. To be fair, I am a hard headed and stubborn person la and they're also hard headed (most of them) so, you can see the power play there. Haha. 

To get to the point, I started to understand how they are like and instead of forcing the syllabus on them. I got them to do simpler things which allowed them to understand and do something in class instead of running around school like a bunch of hooligans.

On good days, I allow them to watch an English movie from my laptop and some them insist on watching Power Rangers. It also allowed me to bond a little more with them. I got to know most of them and their backgrounds, understanding that education isn't really something important for them. They see school as a passing time and a safe place for them to be at, away from home and away from their difficulties. There was even a time when one of the infamous student in the school was asleep during my class (Lol, he was already asleep in another class before and he didn't even wake up when my class ended HAHA). A few days later, when the class was copying new notes, he asked;

L: Cikgu, sejak bila kita buat nota yang tu?
Me: Tuuu hari tuuu, awak kan tidur.
L: Ye ke? Sejak bila? 
Me: Sejak kelas BM kan awak tidur, masa BI awak tak bangun, teacher pun tak ganggu la. 
L: Ala, kenapa tak bangunkan? Lain kali bangunkan je la. 

He copied a little of the notes then proceeded to play around. HAHA. Better than nothing, I suppose. He finished it anyway.

There are also the stories during exam seasons when they just refuse to sit put and do their papers, they don't even want to sleep!! That's how restless they are (If it was me, I'll sleep sia. That's what I do during exam seasons in high school). Aiyo and you would think a teacher could rest during exam season. There was a point when I actually gave up in asking them to sit down and (Because honestly, they were like teacher fak it we ain't doing it!!!), wanting them to keep it down and not disturb other classes, they helped me out by stapling papers.

Then the whole story of 'Kepung Dia' came in. Story for another day. 

The experience that I have this class was a total up and down, but in the end it did give me the opportunity to learn that they aren't that bad as they seem. I will never forget the day when I had such a bad day, they saw me all broken and instead of misbehaving, they respected my feelings and did what they were supposed to do. On normal days, they'd be running around like they're five year old kids.

Yeah sure, they cause chaos and sometimes try to run away from class (LMAO I caught one student trying to escape maths class once by climbing the window but I pushed his head back in before he could jump out) but they are human beings with feelings and one thing strong about kids is that, they really really feel. (Not to say their EQ is like off the charts la but, you get me).

Moving on,

Not all students are bad. Actually, scratch that. Not every student lack motivation in wanting to do better for themselves. There are students who are weak in their studies, but they want to get better and do well. There are the ones who won't fail to show up for my extra class when I inform them that there will be extra class and it's up to them if they'd like to come. It provides a sense of comfort in me knowing that you know, they're atleast trying. I even got them involved in some of the external activities and they do try really hard.

Sometimes, they just need the push and to know that someone actually does care for them and their future.

Unsure of how it started, but I started giving extra class to some students and as any of you who are in the TFM pool, some of you might know Boi Boi aka my right hand student who goes to every educational event/workshop whenever he can.

'Teacher, bring me more to these events la, I believe that my English gets better with me attending these events and I will have to force myself to speak English.'

It took a while but this student has come a long way, from not being able to speak a single word, from Hello to giving a full length speech infront of external stakeholders and the school administrative board, not to mention bring them on a school tour. So much so to the point my Penolong Kanan (Assistant Head Principal) started to tear up because she couldn't believe the fact that a student from the second last class is giving a speech in English. Safe to say, after Boi's experience, his friends also took up the liberty to try out giving presentations in English!

'Tahun depan Sofea ajar lagi budak-budak PS2 tau.' 

(Lmao, funny enough, I'm actually teaching a new bunch of students from 4PS1 and 4PS3 (which are the weak classes) this year so, I guess I can never escape that. The only difference is that I'm teaching history to these classes this year).

There also my other students who are so multi-talented, I know some of them could draw despite being in the science stream and utilized their talent by getting them to draw promotional posters for several events.

Another memory for keepsake, is the Teach For Malaysia week where I co-taught with an external stakeholder from YTL. I had the choice of going on with the usual boring lesson but the idea struck within me, if I were to teach poetry - The Charge of the Light Brigade, I might as well make it super interesting and the ideas started to flow in my brain.

We put up a small sketch on The Charge of Light Brigade with our handmade cannons and toy guns and had a session where the kids got to share about their dreams and aspirations and what were their ideas on leadership. I absolutely loved their thoughts and how they went through that process to come to their own conclusion.

Safe to say, it went real smooth and everyone had fun? It was definitely something different.

One of the biggest highlights of 2019 for me is that, I brought a bunch of kids for an external social innovation program called the Student Leadership Camp organized by TFM and Accenture. It took me quite awhile to choose the students to be a part of this program, there were some who were reluctant to apply and I carefully looked through their applications and saw that some did stand out although they were quiet and shy in person.



My team is a mixture of both worlds - the opinionated and the shy ones. There are 10 kids in total, with 5 in 2 separate teams (Another team is led by my collab). I separated the close friends on purpose, to make them work with others.

At first, there were many doubts among us, whether we could do it. Sometimes I get super worn out and I can tell that they are tired too. Irregardless, we all still worked together to see what kind of social innovation projects we could come up with.

The students trained on their presentation and public speaking skills, learning from one another, brainstorming and supporting each other.

We spent so much time together, I think it drove all of us a little bit mad to be honest.

I have three fondest memories of this particular journey.

First, the students staying back after school during the exam period (they had no papers on that day) and when I asked them if they are okay with it, they assured me that they were. Idk how students study these days la, but if it were me back then, I would have to be at home studying my ass off 24/7 haha. But anyway, we stayed back til very late, working and planning our project - going through our planning over and over again, to ensure that we covered every single sector and practised our Q&A sessions for the finals.

Second, being stuck on the highway because our bus broke down. Klang schools don't have such good luck with buses. *Rolls eyes back to the brain*

Having both teams move on to the finals was also a huge shock because we genuinely thought we didn't get anything since other schools were winning atleast one award. The opportunity in this situation is that, the kids had to push themselves beyond their limits and damn, they did so well.

LOL our prototype. 

Lil' one being the emcee for the day. Gotta hand it to him for being such a sport!

We made our own team T-shirts also! 

Third, seeing my students grow. Most of them feared to speak up in front of the public. It's not an easy thing to do, speaking in front of a crowd. It takes courage and bravery. One of my students who had the lowest confidence was the most confident on that day itself. They came a long way from being quiet to critically thinking + solving problems and to presenting their project. I swear la, I think I could have cried on that very spot. (Ok I cried on that day for other reasons but yeah needless to say, I was so proud of ALL OF THEM).

2019 has been difficult, while we are already in the new year (which in itself has it's own different sets of challenges), these are some of the highlights of my school time in 2019. Most of the time, we'd look back at our mistakes and probably beat ourselves up because, like I said, we are our own worst critics. There are some positive situations and memories which I would definitely like to remember by and remind myself that you know, it isn't always all that bad. Just like how I've learnt some things, I hope it's the same for my students as well.

And hey! How could you forget some of your wonderful colleagues who makes your day a little bit better than usual. I mean, I am the youngest teacher there and I still have so much to learn but super grateful for these people for being around me. This one's for another day.

I believe that there are more memories that are stored somewhere, and probably it's best for me to keep those to myself and my close ones.

Coming back to the present,

How much more memories are there left to create?

We'll see.