Today,

I learnt that although I am subconsciously aware that everyone has issues of their own, but I have never really dived deeper other than just assuming that they do have issues and everything that has happened to them is one of the reasons why they are the way they are today. It is also possible that in every individual, including myself - ignorance is embedded within us and we tend to focus more on ourselves and disregard as to what is happening around us.

I have always been wary about what I post on social media (unless if I am the only one who could see it), because I believe that some things are best kept to ourselves and our family and close friends. I could honestly tell you that after a few days of attending training sessions at the Academy and involving myself with group work, PLC (Peer Learning Community) huddles every morning, I feel like it has been a month? (Is this how contestants on Love Island feel like? HAHA).

65 of us were split into 6 PLC groups and all groups are according to the regions they're placed in. For example, the members who are in PLC 1 - 3 are all placed in the Central region (aka Selangor/KL), PLC 4 - 5 are members who are placed in the Southern region (aka Johor) and finally PLC 6 where the members are placed in the Eastern region (aka Sabah). Before I could go any further, PLC 6 comprises of fellows who all come from different parts of Sabah & Sarawak and they are all of different ethnicity which elevates our cultural knowledge and getting to know the way the system works in the East.

I honestly enjoy going for morning huddles during my PSP training because that's where I get to listen to my group members voice out their thoughts and opinions. It would then get me thinking as to whether I have been critical or evaluative enough, thus having to push myself further. I also enjoy being able to relate to most of the academic training sessions because then I get to apply my ideologies and what I have previously learnt into it. I am always open to new ideas or constructive criticisms when it comes to my learning.

We have been provided with the one of the best accommodations that I could ever ask for, it is fully equipped and we feel homey and comfortable once we get back from the training centre which is about 5 minutes drive away. Breakfast and Lunch are constantly provided (With weekends as an exception and Dinners are exempted as well) which I extremely appreciate. At times I do question myself if I will ever have the chance to experience this ever again.

I concluded: No.

The reason being that it may be different when I get to the school which I will be placed into, the environment's going to be different - the community, the school's culture etc.

And no, I do not know where I will be placed, yet.

For now, PSP for me - shows a great deal of idealistic proposals of how we could self-reflect and be more aware of who we are (hence, getting to know ourselves a litttle bit better) but what is realistic about it is that, once we are honest with ourselves, we see a face in the mirror and we question ourselves more but in a more positive manner (hopefully!!). Not only do we see our own reflection but we also see others who are honest with themselves and that is great, without honesty and communication - there will not be any progression.

The most difficult bit was when we did an activity where we had to listen to our facilitator's statement and step out or step in if it is true. Majority of the statements were about one's self and if you're honest or truthful to yourself, feel free to step out if you agree or relate to that statement. You obviously have to close your eyes first then only open up when the facilitator tells you to. Most statements had to do with our backgrounds, lives and what we (would) have gone through.

Our facilitator who ran the session was Farihah btw, thought of just sharing her name here instead of using 'the facilitator' all the time.

Once Farihah instructed us to open our eyes after each statement, I saw the looks on my cohort members' face. It was filled with pain and emotions, something which I did not expect at all. I understood that it was difficult, emotion wise but having to see those looks on their faces actually struck upon me that we all had it rough.

I feel that it is important to address all these problems that we are facing, and I am actually quite proud and happy that we could be honest to ourselves that those events (based on the statements) has happened to us and by being honest with ourselves, we open up the possibilities to have something new in our lives and moving forward.

While I understand that I am only addressing this issue within my cohort members, I'd like to note that these issues could arise in the general public as well - especially with the schools that we are all about to enter soon. Students who have broken homes, teachers who don't have the energy to teach anymore because they are out of their own wits to help out and that they themselves have their own issues and so much more.

How? 

How do we all help each other move forward from there?

What? 

What do we do in order to help ourselves feel better or even tackle the battling demons within ourselves?


My next question is,

What's Next? 

Granted that this is my first week and I am doing my best to digest and bask in the feeling chaos.