I was known as;

Probably the idiot/the weirdo/the noisy one etc when I was in high school.

I have been called an idiot throughout my schooling years which led me to really and truly believe that I am not very bright or smart.

Why am I saying all this now?

I feel that one of the reasons that I'm on this teaching journey is God allowing me to walk on the paths of my past and present. Walking along the corridors of my work place aka school, sometimes enables me to have flashbacks of my own journey when I was a student. To see the similarities and difference between now and then.

To probably discover, who I really am.

There is still alot to discover and process. The processing bit is taking a little too much space and time.

Anyway, back to what I said earlier about believing that I am not very bright or smart.

There was a time when I didn't have the heart to do any of my chinese homework (including maths and science) because I didn't understand the meaning OR the concept of any of the subjects. I daydreamed in class, stopped paying attention. Even if I did my homework, I did it half heartedly. I felt lost but as a young kid, I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that I am going to get screwed by my teacher if I don't complete my homework.

I was afraid to ask anyone for help (well, I did ask some of my tuition teachers to help so I guess it did save me a little) with fear that they would judge me for not knowing or my teacher would brush me off and say that I didn't pay attention.

Many years later, I discovered the art of being bold - basically not afraid of asking questions when I lack of knowledge. Why yes ofcourse, there is still the fear where you might look stupid to the other person but knowledge is knowledge and you're here in this world to gain it. You just need that extra push from yourself.

I often encourage my students to try out first before saying they don't know. When they really don't know, then I will try my best to help them out. It's tough because English isn't their first language and usually no one at home speaks English.

I can't say that I am perfect as a teacher, boy - the mistakes I have made is aplenty. I often beat myself up asking why did I even do that or why couldn't I think of any other better ideas. There are times where I allow my own emotions to take over me and I end up letting it out in one of the worst possible way: screaming.

It's not something which I am proud of, not at all.

God, this journey is so tough, you can't even imagine.