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Showing posts with label 2019. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2019. Show all posts

Let's talk a little about 2019.

It's May 2020 and you want to talk about the year 2019? 

Anyone who reads this blog memang knows I always post late one la (If anyone does, then hi!), so no difference. I say it in nearly every post of mine. But I also realized that I didn't talk much about my fellowship journey in 2019. 

For those who are close to me, they know how demanding my job can be. Plus with the weekend college to earn my Diploma in Education from IPG has kept me super busy. Even during the holidays, I'm using up my time to complete assignments, do some revision for the Sejarah syllabus and planning a few things. Also, slack a little and take abit of my time to rest haha.

During my year 1 as a fellow, I have faced several hardships throughout the journey. There were times when I wanted to just drop everything and leave. I feel that it does take a toll on your mental health, you start to dwindle on the thoughts if you're ever good enough. Especially when you expect so much from your ownself and sometimes you tend to forget that everyone has their own struggles too. However, the thoughts of not being good enough plays in your head everytime. You are your own worst critic!

There are days where I could assure myself that it is a good experience. I mean I can't consistently have bad experiences, there has to be some good ones. So, let's talk a little about 2019, shall we? 

Dealing with a bunch of kids sure is difficult, and when I first became a teacher, I was adamant on helping them change etc. Bla bla, new teacher things. After a few tears and breakdowns, I realized that I've been doing it wrong. (I am still adamant on helping my students but I'm doing it in a different style now).

Sometimes, you find it difficult to even understand why are the kids the way they are. You start to question, if you were like this back then? Maybe. Maybe not. 


This is literally their attendance btw, it's always 10-15 kids out of 40 kids who attend school. 

For example, this class. They're literally the class which has a reputation in the school (Get the hint). Most of them lack of motivation and half of the time they either skip class or sleep in the class whilst the teacher is teaching right in front of them. I even had a squabble with them before when it was my first few months, I didn't like entering their class because I felt it was extremely forced on both sides. To be fair, I am a hard headed and stubborn person la and they're also hard headed (most of them) so, you can see the power play there. Haha. 

To get to the point, I started to understand how they are like and instead of forcing the syllabus on them. I got them to do simpler things which allowed them to understand and do something in class instead of running around school like a bunch of hooligans.



On good days, I allow them to watch an English movie from my laptop and some them insist on watching Power Rangers. It also allowed me to bond a little more with them. I got to know most of them and their backgrounds, understanding that education isn't really something important for them. They see school as a passing time and a safe place for them to be at, away from home and away from their difficulties. There was even a time when one of the infamous student in the school was asleep during my class (Lol, he was already asleep in another class before and he didn't even wake up when my class ended HAHA). A few days later, when the class was copying new notes, he asked;

L: Cikgu, sejak bila kita buat nota yang tu?
Me: Tuuu hari tuuu, awak kan tidur.
L: Ye ke? Sejak bila? 
Me: Sejak kelas BM kan awak tidur, masa BI awak tak bangun, teacher pun tak ganggu la. 
L: Ala, kenapa tak bangunkan? Lain kali bangunkan je la. 

He copied a little of the notes then proceeded to play around. HAHA. Better than nothing, I suppose. He finished it anyway.



There are also the stories during exam seasons when they just refuse to sit put and do their papers, they don't even want to sleep!! That's how restless they are (If it was me, I'll sleep sia. That's what I do during exam seasons in high school). Aiyo and you would think a teacher could rest during exam season. There was a point when I actually gave up in asking them to sit down and (Because honestly, they were like teacher fak it we ain't doing it!!!), wanting them to keep it down and not disturb other classes, they helped me out by stapling papers.

Then the whole story of 'Kepung Dia' came in. Story for another day. 

The experience that I have this class was a total up and down, but in the end it did give me the opportunity to learn that they aren't that bad as they seem. I will never forget the day when I had such a bad day, they saw me all broken and instead of misbehaving, they respected my feelings and did what they were supposed to do. On normal days, they'd be running around like they're five year old kids.

Yeah sure, they cause chaos and sometimes try to run away from class (LMAO I caught one student trying to escape maths class once by climbing the window but I pushed his head back in before he could jump out) but they are human beings with feelings and one thing strong about kids is that, they really really feel. (Not to say their EQ is like off the charts la but, you get me).

Moving on,



Not all students are bad. Actually, scratch that. Not every student lack motivation in wanting to do better for themselves. There are students who are weak in their studies, but they want to get better and do well. There are the ones who won't fail to show up for my extra class when I inform them that there will be extra class and it's up to them if they'd like to come. It provides a sense of comfort in me knowing that you know, they're atleast trying. I even got them involved in some of the external activities and they do try really hard.

Sometimes, they just need the push and to know that someone actually does care for them and their future.

Unsure of how it started, but I started giving extra class to some students and as any of you who are in the TFM pool, some of you might know Boi Boi aka my right hand student who goes to every educational event/workshop whenever he can.


'Teacher, bring me more to these events la, I believe that my English gets better with me attending these events and I will have to force myself to speak English.'

It took a while but this student has come a long way, from not being able to speak a single word, from Hello to giving a full length speech infront of external stakeholders and the school administrative board, not to mention bring them on a school tour. So much so to the point my Penolong Kanan (Assistant Head Principal) started to tear up because she couldn't believe the fact that a student from the second last class is giving a speech in English. Safe to say, after Boi's experience, his friends also took up the liberty to try out giving presentations in English!

'Tahun depan Sofea ajar lagi budak-budak PS2 tau.' 

(Lmao, funny enough, I'm actually teaching a new bunch of students from 4PS1 and 4PS3 (which are the weak classes) this year so, I guess I can never escape that. The only difference is that I'm teaching history to these classes this year).



There also my other students who are so multi-talented, I know some of them could draw despite being in the science stream and utilized their talent by getting them to draw promotional posters for several events.

Another memory for keepsake, is the Teach For Malaysia week where I co-taught with an external stakeholder from YTL. I had the choice of going on with the usual boring lesson but the idea struck within me, if I were to teach poetry - The Charge of the Light Brigade, I might as well make it super interesting and the ideas started to flow in my brain.






We put up a small sketch on The Charge of Light Brigade with our handmade cannons and toy guns and had a session where the kids got to share about their dreams and aspirations and what were their ideas on leadership. I absolutely loved their thoughts and how they went through that process to come to their own conclusion.

Safe to say, it went real smooth and everyone had fun? It was definitely something different.


One of the biggest highlights of 2019 for me is that, I brought a bunch of kids for an external social innovation program called the Student Leadership Camp organized by TFM and Accenture. It took me quite awhile to choose the students to be a part of this program, there were some who were reluctant to apply and I carefully looked through their applications and saw that some did stand out although they were quiet and shy in person.



My team is a mixture of both worlds - the opinionated and the shy ones. There are 10 kids in total, with 5 in 2 separate teams (Another team is led by my collab). I separated the close friends on purpose, to make them work with others.

At first, there were many doubts among us, whether we could do it. Sometimes I get super worn out and I can tell that they are tired too. Irregardless, we all still worked together to see what kind of social innovation projects we could come up with.




The students trained on their presentation and public speaking skills, learning from one another, brainstorming and supporting each other.

We spent so much time together, I think it drove all of us a little bit mad to be honest.

I have three fondest memories of this particular journey.

First, the students staying back after school during the exam period (they had no papers on that day) and when I asked them if they are okay with it, they assured me that they were. Idk how students study these days la, but if it were me back then, I would have to be at home studying my ass off 24/7 haha. But anyway, we stayed back til very late, working and planning our project - going through our planning over and over again, to ensure that we covered every single sector and practised our Q&A sessions for the finals.




Second, being stuck on the highway because our bus broke down. Klang schools don't have such good luck with buses. *Rolls eyes back to the brain*



Having both teams move on to the finals was also a huge shock because we genuinely thought we didn't get anything since other schools were winning atleast one award. The opportunity in this situation is that, the kids had to push themselves beyond their limits and damn, they did so well.


LOL our prototype. 




Lil' one being the emcee for the day. Gotta hand it to him for being such a sport!



We made our own team T-shirts also! 

Third, seeing my students grow. Most of them feared to speak up in front of the public. It's not an easy thing to do, speaking in front of a crowd. It takes courage and bravery. One of my students who had the lowest confidence was the most confident on that day itself. They came a long way from being quiet to critically thinking + solving problems and to presenting their project. I swear la, I think I could have cried on that very spot. (Ok I cried on that day for other reasons but yeah needless to say, I was so proud of ALL OF THEM).





2019 has been difficult, while we are already in the new year (which in itself has it's own different sets of challenges), these are some of the highlights of my school time in 2019. Most of the time, we'd look back at our mistakes and probably beat ourselves up because, like I said, we are our own worst critics. There are some positive situations and memories which I would definitely like to remember by and remind myself that you know, it isn't always all that bad. Just like how I've learnt some things, I hope it's the same for my students as well.

And hey! How could you forget some of your wonderful colleagues who makes your day a little bit better than usual. I mean, I am the youngest teacher there and I still have so much to learn but super grateful for these people for being around me. This one's for another day.

I believe that there are more memories that are stored somewhere, and probably it's best for me to keep those to myself and my close ones.

Coming back to the present,

How much more memories are there left to create?

We'll see. 

To my dear teachers;

I would like to dedicate this post to the teachers who has ever taught me before.

To my dear teachers; 

It's been almost a year since I've completed my year 1 journey as a Fellow/teacher and it has been 8 years since I completed high school.

There there has been laughter, frustrations which I did not know how to handle and then there were the tears. Tears of joy, sadness, exhaustion, being proud and everything all at once. Basically, an overwhelming roller coaster ride of emotions.

I remember back in high school, I wasn't exactly the brightest student and sometimes I felt looked down upon by my peers and teachers alike. There was a time when I confided in one of the teachers, and she laughed in my face. I still hold that resentment until today - I felt I was treated unfairly. Hence why I made it as a point to ensure that my students do not experience the same feeling as I did back then.

I remember making the some of you really angry due to my actions, behaviour and words. I wasn't an easy student. I remember you, Pn N who taught me Add Maths, you were around my current age and had just started working in DU and had to already be a class teacher to a crazy class. I remember seeing you struggle to teach us because you couldn't get our attention and had to scold us numerous times just to get our attention.The disappointed and frustrated look that you have every time we refuse to listen or play around during your class. I can't imagine the number of times you broke down and I don't blame you if your heart had already closed up from wanting to teach us.

I remember saying 'shit' and making a face at a teacher because I disliked being in that class and the teacher caught me for doing so. The entire class got lectured after. If you're thinking - what a nasty brat. Yes, I was. However, I went up to the teacher the next day and apologized for my wrongdoings and never did such a thing ever again.

There are also happy memories which I hold closely to my heart.

I remember Pn. T (my form 3 maths teacher) teaching my class and putting so much effort in wanting us to do better, eventhough we were the second last class in the entire form 3. The smile that Pn. Z puts on her fierce face, which proves a point that the RBF is really just a made up term because for all I know, Pn. Z has an incredibly soft heart. Or when I cried, and Pn. P told me that everything's going to be alright.

Being on this journey as a teacher, I realized that there were many things which I've done as a student back then that could have been way better. Likewise, I could also do better as a teacher. As a person who has just entered the education sphere, I am completely new to many things and I struggle sometimes with grasping information. I try to manage my time more strategically but that isn't the case, things in the classroom will always go haywire and there will be interruptions and things won't ever go your way. However, I could finally see a teacher's point of view - the exhaustion of having to deal with so many students with different personalities and background details, at the same time handling the crazy amount of paperwork and lesson planning. It must have been difficult for each and every one of you.

There are times where I have felt extremely disappointed and frustrated - constantly being hard on myself, questioning where and why have I failed. Reflecting back, whenever I felt disappointed or frustrated - I think of some of you, wondering if that's how you guys felt the same way I did whenever situations broke down. Back then, I didn't know better and had already said a few things that could or had already hurt you deeply. As a student, I've always thought that teachers should know their shit and be able to control a class and so on. Due to my young ignorance, I have completely forgotten that teachers are humans too.

I have learnt so many things and I am on this road of constant self-discovery, making adjustments and improvements wherever I go. Kids can be ruthless but it doesn't mean that they aren't gems secretly. Whenever I see my students, I see hope. Hope that they have yet to discover within themselves and as their teacher, I will walk along their side until they're able to stand on their own two feet, just as how you guys saw your own students go off and do great things in their lives (well i mean for me, I'm still discovering la okkk haha)

While my high school was a mess - most of the teachers did make a big impact in my life. I find it true that the naughtiest kids would always remember their teachers. I don't really get that cycle but it's true and it's there. I wouldn't be here without any of you and I would really just like to apologize and thank you for having taught me and being a part of my life. I promise that I will do better.

Signing off.

One Month in?

There you go.

One month in and here I am with the lack of updates but with a billion stories to tell. (WHAT'S NEW YA?)

From getting delayed to getting our placement confirmation to placement orientation week (POW) and finally, school. Do note that, everything was really rushed because the moment we received our placement confirmation, we had to quickly attend POW and report ourselves which means rushing our documents and getting it certified to also getting to know where we're being placed and our collabs (team members in the same school).

As (some) of you may know, I am now Fellow under the Teach For Malaysia Graduate Fellowship program where I am placed in a high need public school for 2 years and while normal graduate management trainees rotate around departments, my job scope is exactly the same as a normal teacher - which means to say that I teach students in classes, run programs in school, receive my salary and benefits from the government.

The major difference between being a fellow and a normal teacher is that I have yet to own a diploma in Education because one of the requirements to be a part of the program is to NOT have a degree in Education. While most public high school teachers do have a degree in other areas other than education, they went through the normal route of gaining a diploma in teaching first before being placed in school. I on the other hand, am attending weekend classes as a fulfillment to the requirements of gaining a diploma in Education from IPG (Institut Pendidikan Guru). Other than that, as a fellow - we are required to attend workshops organised by TFM and have our own initiatives in school to empower the community around there.

I'm placed somewhere in Selangor but far away from home (well, far enough for me to rent a home nearby the school with my three other fellows who are within the same area as me!) So glad to have them with me though. I wouldn't know what I'd do without them hehe.


GY & I aka collabs for our school along with MY and HZ who are 2018 fellows and are in the afternoon session 

Let's just say despite the rushing and what not, it has also been quite hectic at school - considering the fact that you've just entered in the middle of February and the school's already getting used to their current schedule but nooo as TFM fellows we're there to disrupt something and the schedule is included.


The first week was mainly getting to know the school, students and attending relief classes because I haven't gotten my schedule. I was also bombarded with the 'Are you Malay or Chinese?' question by students and teachers alike. Getting confused at the classrooms and entering the wrong class at least twice a day. Asking questions (so many times), getting to know the system inside and out.

Getting lost all the time - physically and mentally and I don't mean losing it mentally but more like I'm lost at what's going on because there were just so many things going on. I remember starting my first class and I was nervous as heck - went home after that and crashed on my bed for about 3 good hours. Climbing the stairs and getting to know where my classes are at and getting to know my students at that time made me feel lethargic but good at the same time as I've finally received my permanent timetable. However, it took me atleast a week or two to settle down and to get to know the syllabus and even now, I'm still learning.


The students in my school are generally from the B41 community and it is extremely rare to see anyone from the upper-middle class community attend my school. Majority of the students work after school and they are all usually tired when they come to school because some of them work overnight. I know that this goes against labour laws whereby students under 18 are not allowed to work over a certain amount of hours but these kids are really all out in working. They deem their life as more meaningful when it comes to working instead of being in school studying.


Exam period

I constantly make the effort to ask how they are because I find it important for them to know that there are people out there that actually do care about how they really are and how they are doing in life - not just studies but their personal life as well. I also try very hard to speak in English with them because I would like to instill the 'I can do it even if I think I'm bad at it' attitude in them. Some of them do try and struggle but nevertheless, they try.


And also, as kiddish as they can be sometimes (I only teach form 4 btw but in order to fulfill my 30 waktu requirements, I will have to relief some classes when their teachers are not around), their jokes can be quite hilarious sometimes because it reminds me of how silly I used to be back then and one day they will look back and realize 'Haha why was I like that back then' or even better, they'll be able to laugh with their friends as they reminisce their school memories.


Tunas Niaga club activities

I have started giving extra lessons to kids who need it, I initially thought you know that they wouldn't come but they do attend those extra lessons which makes me feel happy. Despite the rigid system which runs in our education system, these are the little things which makes my day a little bit better than before.

One of the kids who attended my extra class didn't have lunch before coming and I wasn't going to have any of it, hence going down to the canteen and bought the poor boy a nugget while he was doing his work in the library. I do not allow or like it when my students do not eat, it's not something which I encourage (skipping meals etc). If anyone saw the look on his face when I gave him the nugget, they'd feel a warm fuzzy feeling in their heart, because that's how I felt when I saw the happiness on his face when he received the nugget. He offered to pay but I refused and said the next time he comes for my class, he has to eat.



Speaking of food, the school's canteen pretty damn lit. The food is affordable (for a cheapskate, new teacher like me) and teachers get the upperhand of having the teacher's cafe where different food is served but I always buy the food served for students anyway HAHAHA. The typical canteen food that everyone MUST get would be the doughnut!! Ghaz and I are big fans of doughnuts which are sold by aunties by the roadside because it's really different from the ones we buy at J Co or Dunkin Doughnuts or even Krispy Kreme. There is just this sort of uniqueness that it has as compared to commercial doughnuts. Although, I do wish that there were more dustbins and recycling bins around. AS WELL AS STUDENTS THROWING THEIR OWN RUBBISH AWAY (ok caps, sense the annoyance in me).



On the other hand, trying to juggle with IPG (College which I attend to gain my diploma in education) has been somewhat of a pain in the ass. I used to think like 'Oh it's going to be fine' bla bla but half of the time in class, my mind seem to wander around because my brain's just too tired to brain anything. Thankfully, I have an extremely strong community who would go out of their way to help you out. The only time which I would have fun during IPG would be 'Sukan' because that's when we get out of the classroom and would do physical activities and have a great laugh AT and WITH each other.


Post SPM celebration with the ex form 5s of my school and some form 4s! 

Anyhoo, that's about it for my one month in. One of the updates would also be me attending Sukantara but missing out on the actual sports day because I had IPG classes which is somewhat upsetting, yet satisfying because I had the next day off since sports day was on a Sunday. I have too many stories to share and to curate content for each and every story is pretty difficult but I can assure you that everyday is an eventful day hehe.

Want to know more about my journey as a fellow? (or maybe not lah) Follow me on my social media @cikgusofea_ (my cikgu account for students to follow)!

p/s: I'll probably have a separate post about my school's culture and students as well in a separate post. This post is more of a general one.

Signing off.

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