It's been almost 2 years and a half since I completed my journey with Teach For Malaysia and have embarked on another journey with CIMB as a Management Associate under their The Complete Banker (TCB)-Fusion program (and then moved on to Grab, because this post is super late - it was supposed to be posted last year or last last year when I was still with CIMB).
I still get questions here and there if I am still a teacher and some people still thinks that I am still a teacher. I suppose the imprint of me telling people that I worked as a teacher is strong.
"How's life after the Fellowship?"
"Do you miss it? Do you miss teaching?"
These 2 are the most common questions I receive whenever I tell someone that I'm no longer a teacher or just usual questions from other Fellows as well.
I would mostly joke around and say "Well, I cry less." and that would make the other party (and myself) laugh, usually the ones who would laugh harder with me would be the Fellows (from any batch) who has been on a similar journey as me in the Fellowship.
That being said, to answer the honest truth - there are some aspects which I do miss aka planning activities for my students, communicating with them and having a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction when you see you work impact another person's life in a positive manner. I also miss having walk into the Bilik Guru and seeing that there's already food all over the table counter because God knows why the teachers love to eat lmao, but hey, free food for me! Oh and when students run up to you asking how you are and complimenting you out of no where (lmao, take it with a pinch of salt tbh).
Here's a pic of my desk on the first day of work. The red puncher was from STAJ (which I returned after 2 years HAHAHA), my white bottle that went missing in IPG, iced americano I bought at 6AM in the morning from Centrepoint's Mekdi and the rest are still with me!
I most certainly do NOT miss the indirect communication (OFTEN HAPPENS) done in school, with poor leadership who only cares nothing and nothing but name + fame. I believe that when it comes to any environment, leaders should always put their people first. I do NOT miss the long working hours (It's a misconception that teachers only work til 1pm or half day. HA! WHAT A JOKE. If you take into account staying back after school to handle extra curricular activities, nonsensical documentation & paper work which goes nowhere after that, classroom & lesson planning, stakeholder management etc), you pretty much finish work at around in the whee mornings.
My interest in TFM formed when I saw some of my high school seniors posting their stories on instagram (yes, a few of them were Fellows) and even two of my high school mates from the same batch (2011) became Fellows themselves - Grace (2017), Sophie (2018) and Me! (2019). I never expected any of my school friends to have joined TFM, much less seeing one of my GenCorporate Bros aka SY joining TFM as a Fellow!!
While my interest was there, I never thought of applying since I was more focused on getting my life together and figuring out what I wanted to do (still am tbh but with a better direction I suppose?) but with God's directions, I ended up in TFM anyway.
The road was rough from the beginning, from training all the way til it ended. There were times when I just wanted to quit because I had another job offer, somehow I stayed - because honestly, I was scared to be seen as a failure for leaving half way and to be judged that I couldn't make it as a teacher, but I made it, I really did. I completed two years.
However, being part of this growing community has also allowed me to branch out and with the experience faced as an individual - it made me empathize more with the people within it. I suppose the in wanting to build a better place for the underprivileged is also something that I miss, since it's not everyday you find someone or a community which has the same vision or thoughts which are aligned with yours.
It's been 3 years since 2020 ended, it's 2023 now and I finally got the groove to start posting something again on my blog. There were so many ups and downs, some I documented on my twitter, some on my finsta, insta whatever platform that I was able to express myself. I still reminisce on my life as a teacher, it really is true that memories do stay with you. I do miss my students who have mostly graduated with only 1 - 2 now in school who remembers me. I don't talk to them as often anymore, but god do I miss teaching them back then. I wish I had more time with them, but the time felt right.
I am also happy that some of them and the teachers in school (aka Kak Sab and Kak Ru) still keep in touch with me and asking how I am from time to time. I was supposed to go back but couldn't find the right time to go back. This blog seems to be mostly about my time as a teacher and honestly speaking, I don't think it will ever end, because there's too many stories to be told and that's only a 2 year journey. Imagine if I was still a teacher (probably would be complaining about the low pay and excessive work damn), the stories would be pouring and never ending.
Anyhoo, here's an update for 2023. Let's see if I will update about my past journey with CIMB and currently my journey with Grab or what I have been doing on the side lines with Nasi Campur Tales (something that has been keeping me busy for a year and a half now hehe) or how I am a part of The Flute Choir with CGFA Flute (yes I play the flute!!).
See you soon!
I have spoken about The Growth Hub on one of my insta post on instagram before, but I feel like that there is more to tell.
The Growth Hub has been a personal project of mine when I was a fellow and it has been one of my the saving grace of my fellowship journey. The room has seen so much, it has seen me laugh my butt off, cry, my frustrations/anger and all of the emotions that a human being could ever feel. It was where I was able to unleash my creativity, express my thoughts and feelings into it without feeling judged or being watched over. This goes the same for some of my students who has spent their time in that room and my fellow collabs who has equally experienced all those feelings as well.
It was our safe space.
If I were to tell every story about the room, I could go on and on and on.
Before the whole MCO situation happened, I had already begun working on the room at the end of 2019 - meeting up with sponsors to donate tables and chairs for the room (Shout out to Epic Homes and the Obama Foundation Fellowship for being the greatest and championing my project! Couldn't have done it without any of them) - Another story to tell but damn, that experience made my fellowship journey legendary.
Why transform the room though? Was it not okay before this?
The room was initially a counselling room, but due to several issues - leaking ceiling from the toilet upstairs, broken tiles, there were even rumours about flying bats. So, the counsellors moved to a different room and ever since then the room was left unkept for many years E.g. Broken Ceiling, Broken walls alongside broken chairs and tables (Halo, aircon wires also kena bitten by rats, so obviously we can't use it. No komen).
I don't understand why no one wanted to handle the room beforehand, but hey! An open opportunity is great for me to execute my vision, which is to give the students a Study Hub, very much like study spaces that you see in international schools, universities or boarding schools.
I believe that every school deserves the best facilities in order to allow students to feel comfortable when it comes to studying or conducting activities.
My students and I were super onz about transforming this dead beat room into something refreshing and exciting for us to use - as a classroom, hang out spot for students who have to stay back after school. Technically, it did turn into their hang out space also after school since they were all working on the painting and decorations of the room.
This journey is broken down into several phases.
Phase 1 - Getting permission from the School's Administrators (Pengetua, Penolong Kanan etc) and PPD.
Tn. Mukhtar and Pn Alina, the then Principal and Penolong Kanan 1 of the school had no problems with me wanting to transform the room, so long I had a proper plan and got the paperwork ready. Tuan Mukhtar even got the room cleaned out and broke down the "extra" rooms within that room and cleared out the broken ceilings.
Pn Alina guided me throughout the paperwork and documentation, where she showed me the ways to create budget plans and enforced that no one else was to touch the room except for me.
All paperwork & documentation must be handed in to the administrators so that they could send over to PPD (Pejabat Pegawai Daerah) to show the activities that they were conducting in the school.
Phase 2 - Planning Stage & Sponsorship
At the time, I had already a little bit of budget left from the SLC project and May Yin (My 2018 TFM collab in school) decided to hand over her SLC budget to me since she's done with her project.
I had several students involved in the room planning and choosing the colours that they wanted.
At the same time, I was able to secure sponsorship for tables and chairs from Epic Homes who so generously donated 40 tables and chairs as well as 9 book racks. What was missing was the funding to refurbish the room.
Phase 3 - Execution (Cleaning up, Building from scratch)
This phase was fun, my students stayed back every Thursday to clean up and paint the room. We manage to secure some small amount of funding by using the leftover money we had from the SLC competition the year before and bought some paint alongside materials to decorate the room.
All colours are chosen and picked out by the students and I'm actually super happy with the colours because not only is it vibrant and bright, but it is also cheerful and gives life to the room.
Phase 4 - MCO & Active Sponsorship
As we all know, MCO happened in March and it affected millions of people. I had to put the project on hold and over the few months during MCO, I made a budgeting and strategy plan to see what else was needed to refurbish the room.
I realized that many things were still missing, we already had the tables, chairs and shelves but we still lacked comfort - air conditioner, proper tiles (the broken tiles were still left unfixed at that point in time). Classroom necessities such as whiteboard, proper blinds/curtains, door grill and classroom signboard were all not available. The cracked walls and broken sink were still in place and we needed a large amount of money to fix all these things.
Bless to the people who were involved in helping me plan and strategize the entire project. I used the MCO months to craft out budgets and seek for sponsorships. With the help of sponsors who were so understanding of the situation and had the same vision, the project was already solid and good to go. All I needed to do was wait for MCO to end.
Phase 5 - Renovation - Challenges
MCO ended (yay!) and all of the teachers were separated into different rooms to maintain social distancing, so we had to move from our usual tables in the Bilik Guru and some of us were placed in The Growth Hub.
Some of us had a really good time being placed in that room since it was far away from the rest and we had our own space to just talk about anything and everything. But still, the ultimate goal is for students to use that room (they couldn't as of now since it's still MCO and there's strict SOPs in place).
One of the biggest challenge I had to face was definitely discovering Termites Nest in the room. It was huge and horrible. The termites nest had already existed for quite some time but over MCO, it made its way from the ground floor all the way to the top floor and The Growth Hub was severely affected. It was eating EVERY single thing, including some of the tables and chairs.
It was going to cost a huge bomb for me to call in exterminators and asking the school for help was not an option (I tried really hard to persuade my principal but to no avail. He even suggested to put acid on the nest, which actually aggravated the termites even further. So to those who has termites nest at home or anywhere, please call a professional). Luckily for me, God was looking out for me and my friend sent me a link on a group of exterminators who were trying to terminate pests in school as part of their CSR project (Check them out at Rapidkill!! One of the best services ever).
So incredibly blessed when this company agreed to check and sanitize the school as well. The only thing is that we had to wait for 2 - 3 months for the termites nest to be exterminated completely. Infact, after checking the school, it turns out we had atleast 3 separate kingdoms of termites (Talk about what the f man).
Other than these challenges, students were not able to stay back after school for any extra activities so I had to find different ways to get things completed. Managed to call in contractors to fix up the room and install carpets + aircon to make the room a little livelier.
Phase 6 - MCO 2.0 + Work in Progress
By this time, the stupid termites nest were still in the room and the walls were still broken. No students were allowed to enter school properties except for specific reasons and with an accompanying teacher. When MCO 2.0 hit, I was already preparing to pack up my things in school since I was leaving officially in December.
The termites guy came over in late November and thank goodness, the termites were already dead by then. I was able to continue with the other incomplete work in the room. Very thankful that boi boi, his brother and sister often came over to help me out with fixing up the room - painting it, shifting all of my other things to the car and so on.
TFM fellows aka my collabs has also been the biggest contributors in fixing up the room and the best of the best companions, absolutely couldn't have done it without them.
Phase 7 - The Growth Hub
The team got smaller over the months due to MCO, in the final stages only Boi Boi, his sister Girl Girl and younger brother Ah Cong were allowed to help out.
And, to the final phase. It is unfortunate that I wasn't able to use the room to teach my students, but at the very least, it's completed for future use (whenever MCO ends that is).
I had the heaviest of heart leaving the room on my last day. Even boi boi felt sad leaving the room, promising me that he'd take care of it whenever he's in school. True to word tho, he checks on the room all the time he goes to school. HAHAHA. So glad I have a spy in school to help me check on my baby project.
I hope you will be the room where students will be happy to enter each time they have their lessons, where they will feel different as compared to the boring ass classrooms that they are in. Just as how you were there for me when I faced several emotions as a teacher and where my students had fun entering the room to hang out, do their work/have extra lessons, I hope others would find the same comfort in you too.
It's taken me nearly half a year to write about you, granted I was lazy la no doubt HAHAH.
Thank you, for being one of my most meaningful projects on top of the other initiatives I've done. It wouldn't have been the same without The Growth Hub and I'm glad that I stuck through til the very end.
Signing off,
Sofea
2020 was a rough ride for everybody.
The pandemic showed no mercy and was able to penetrate through every layer of society, be it the rich, the middle class or the poor. But the effects for each category differs and some of the spectrum is especially wide.
There are so many things to talk about this pandemic and the effects that it has had on every human being on earth. Here are a few things which I thought was good to reflect on and talk about, at least on my end.
1) School - The effects of online learning and the aftermath of MCO.
The effects of online learning
When MCO was first announced, school holidays had already commenced. It was the typical 1 week holiday in March where students were able to take a break after having their Ujian Bulanan. Teachers would have used this week to take a break, catch up with grading papers and keying in the results. As for me, I had to do all those and at the same time attend B.I.G (Bina Insan Guru) camp organized by IPG since I was still a student under them at the time.
The news of MCO came in and it was supposedly to be only for two weeks (Little did we know), I thought it would have been a nice break from school. But the longer MCO prolonged, the more agitated I got - especially when I was extremely worried for my students who were going to sit for PT3 (but it got cancelled anyway hahah wtf).
The hype for online learning stepped in and for many teachers, there was added pressure. Teachers were not well equipped neither were they trained to be put in this situation. Even for a person like me who is considered somewhat tech-savvy faced so many difficulties in pulling this off, what more of the teachers who had been using old techniques. One of the main struggles about online learning, is definitely getting students to enter your class. It also depends on which school you're teaching in, because every school is different.
For my school, SMK PJ is very much urban-rural and most students come from the B40 family. I know that some of them do not have phones and will have to use their parents phones to attend classes and even worst, they will have to share it with their other siblings. Hence, not being able to attend class. For instance, a student messaged me saying that he didn't understand anything because he wasn't used to online classes, in fact he hated it. There is also the situation where students take this advantage of it being a holiday and not attending classes at all. What's worst, they don't have access to internet and their priority really isn't about studies but rather it is about feeding their family members.
Even I, as a teacher tried my very best to help these students in need, working with my friends to send food to them and so on but the question was "How long will this last?" It was also difficult to face the disappointment of not being able to deliver lessons and feeling as if you're a failure because you'd tend to compare yourself with your peers who are in the same field as you.
So the conclusion to online learning - it ultimately sucks, because at the end of the day - people would prefer face-to-face interactions, regardless of how introverted you are.
The aftermath of MCO
When students were back in school, it was quite abrupt - from just having the form 5s and the sudden announcement of the other forms going back to school. I was actually having fun teaching the form 5 students because the numbers were all split apart and there were less students in class. It was one of the best teaching experience I've ever had in my two years of teaching. The reason being that I was able to focus on each of them individually and I only taught English HAHAHA.
Later on, all of the students came back to school and of course majority of them didn't do the homework given during MCO, so you'll have to suck up the disappointment and carry on which is to start all over again. While I faced the challenges of students not completing something so easy like "copying notes", I appreciated that majority of my students from 3F did complete their work.
Other than having to get used to the weird SOPs and new rules, you could also tell that there is a stark difference in the students that you once taught before MCO. You can tell that it has impacted some of them, mentally and physically.
But by the time we were used to the SOPs and new rules, my school was hit once again with two positive cases by two students who came back from Sabah. It went viral, and the situation was extremely scary, especially when teachers still had to go to school to teach. Students were not encouraged to go to school and once again, online lessons had to commence.
It's unfortunate that the covid case fell upon my school and I don't wish for it to happen to any other schools. I can't stress enough on the amount of anxiety which fell upon me, my colleagues at the time, friends and the students.
With that, it was the end of formal education for most students and teachers.
2) Mental Health
With the unfortunate events last year, from one thing to another, it was a huge wake up call for me.
So, if you're reading this, put your mental health first. Practise Empathy. The problem with people wanting to come forward is hit by the negative stigma that our society has put on counselling and therapy.
'You're not crazy, why do you need therapy?'
'Don't need to go therapy la later you become siao.'
Sentences like this has gone way in over our heads for the longest time and I'm glad I'm out of that system. Away from that negativity.
If any of you are scared to seek for professional help, my only advise is - fear is real for everybody, I have fears, but to overcome our fears, enables us to be a better person than before. Ask around for people whom have had experience attending sessions and research on what you feel is good for you.
3) 2020 had its pros and cons, just like every other year.
'Leaving'
People come and go and most of the time, we all have a hard time accepting when they are gone.
When I say gone, it could be a break up in relationships/friendships, it could mean the person has passed away (E.g. Kobe Bryant and his daughter, Gigi).
My favourite person (my grandmother) in the world left for the afterworld in September, and if you are close to me, you would know how her passing impacted me really badly. She was someone whom I loved and cherished very much. (This will come in a different post, if I ever want to share).
Two weeks later, a batchmate of mine took her own life and it was a huge blow to my entire organisation, me included. Finally, in December before 2020 came to a close, I received the news that one of my favourite colleague from Maxis had also passed away.
Many people viewed it as extreme losses and while I am aware that death is part and parcel of life but it definitely took me some time to recover from these events. Heck, so many things has happened in 2020, I feel that there's just so much to cover, you know? But one step at a time.
I have also learn't that in order to properly move on, one has to grieve first. People tend to forget the most important step to take before they could move on with life. Grieving is when you begin to slowly come to realize of your feelings, instead of suppressing it (I mean sure it works for some people but let's face it, suppressing your feelings would eventually make you blow up in various ways that you can't even imagine). This allows you to be aware of what's in front of you and you know slowly accept of the losses that you have faced. It takes time, but you'll get there, just make sure you allow yourself to get there.
In a way, 2020 was the year where God took back the people he loves most, back to him.
For me, 2020 definitely had its pros despite the setbacks.
I've tried new things and got out of my comfort zone (lul), learn't a few new skills. Hopefully to further improve on these new skills and gain more experiences and knowledge in order to build myself.
To understand 2020 as a whole, has been tedious but at the same time refreshing.
That's my take on 2020, what's yours?
Sometimes, you find it difficult to even understand why are the kids the way they are. You start to question, if you were like this back then? Maybe. Maybe not.
On good days, I allow them to watch an English movie from my laptop and some them insist on watching Power Rangers. It also allowed me to bond a little more with them. I got to know most of them and their backgrounds, understanding that education isn't really something important for them. They see school as a passing time and a safe place for them to be at, away from home and away from their difficulties. There was even a time when one of the infamous student in the school was asleep during my class (Lol, he was already asleep in another class before and he didn't even wake up when my class ended HAHA). A few days later, when the class was copying new notes, he asked;
L: Cikgu, sejak bila kita buat nota yang tu?
Me: Tuuu hari tuuu, awak kan tidur.
L: Ye ke? Sejak bila?
Me: Sejak kelas BM kan awak tidur, masa BI awak tak bangun, teacher pun tak ganggu la.
L: Ala, kenapa tak bangunkan? Lain kali bangunkan je la.
He copied a little of the notes then proceeded to play around. HAHA. Better than nothing, I suppose. He finished it anyway.
There are also the stories during exam seasons when they just refuse to sit put and do their papers, they don't even want to sleep!! That's how restless they are (If it was me, I'll sleep sia. That's what I do during exam seasons in high school). Aiyo and you would think a teacher could rest during exam season. There was a point when I actually gave up in asking them to sit down and (Because honestly, they were like teacher fak it we ain't doing it!!!), wanting them to keep it down and not disturb other classes, they helped me out by stapling papers.
Then the whole story of 'Kepung Dia' came in. Story for another day.
The experience that I have this class was a total up and down, but in the end it did give me the opportunity to learn that they aren't that bad as they seem. I will never forget the day when I had such a bad day, they saw me all broken and instead of misbehaving, they respected my feelings and did what they were supposed to do. On normal days, they'd be running around like they're five year old kids.
Yeah sure, they cause chaos and sometimes try to run away from class (LMAO I caught one student trying to escape maths class once by climbing the window but I pushed his head back in before he could jump out) but they are human beings with feelings and one thing strong about kids is that, they really really feel. (Not to say their EQ is like off the charts la but, you get me).
Moving on,
Sometimes, they just need the push and to know that someone actually does care for them and their future.
Unsure of how it started, but I started giving extra class to some students and as any of you who are in the TFM pool, some of you might know Boi Boi aka my right hand student who goes to every educational event/workshop whenever he can.
It took a while but this student has come a long way, from not being able to speak a single word, from Hello to giving a full length speech infront of external stakeholders and the school administrative board, not to mention bring them on a school tour. So much so to the point my Penolong Kanan (Assistant Head Principal) started to tear up because she couldn't believe the fact that a student from the second last class is giving a speech in English. Safe to say, after Boi's experience, his friends also took up the liberty to try out giving presentations in English!
'Tahun depan Sofea ajar lagi budak-budak PS2 tau.'
(Lmao, funny enough, I'm actually teaching a new bunch of students from 4PS1 and 4PS3 (which are the weak classes) this year so, I guess I can never escape that. The only difference is that I'm teaching history to these classes this year).
There also my other students who are so multi-talented, I know some of them could draw despite being in the science stream and utilized their talent by getting them to draw promotional posters for several events.
Another memory for keepsake, is the Teach For Malaysia week where I co-taught with an external stakeholder from YTL. I had the choice of going on with the usual boring lesson but the idea struck within me, if I were to teach poetry - The Charge of the Light Brigade, I might as well make it super interesting and the ideas started to flow in my brain.
We put up a small sketch on The Charge of Light Brigade with our handmade cannons and toy guns and had a session where the kids got to share about their dreams and aspirations and what were their ideas on leadership. I absolutely loved their thoughts and how they went through that process to come to their own conclusion.
Safe to say, it went real smooth and everyone had fun? It was definitely something different.
One of the biggest highlights of 2019 for me is that, I brought a bunch of kids for an external social innovation program called the Student Leadership Camp organized by TFM and Accenture. It took me quite awhile to choose the students to be a part of this program, there were some who were reluctant to apply and I carefully looked through their applications and saw that some did stand out although they were quiet and shy in person.
My team is a mixture of both worlds - the opinionated and the shy ones. There are 10 kids in total, with 5 in 2 separate teams (Another team is led by my collab). I separated the close friends on purpose, to make them work with others.
The students trained on their presentation and public speaking skills, learning from one another, brainstorming and supporting each other.
We spent so much time together, I think it drove all of us a little bit mad to be honest.
I have three fondest memories of this particular journey.
First, the students staying back after school during the exam period (they had no papers on that day) and when I asked them if they are okay with it, they assured me that they were. Idk how students study these days la, but if it were me back then, I would have to be at home studying my ass off 24/7 haha. But anyway, we stayed back til very late, working and planning our project - going through our planning over and over again, to ensure that we covered every single sector and practised our Q&A sessions for the finals.
Second, being stuck on the highway because our bus broke down. Klang schools don't have such good luck with buses. *Rolls eyes back to the brain*
Having both teams move on to the finals was also a huge shock because we genuinely thought we didn't get anything since other schools were winning atleast one award. The opportunity in this situation is that, the kids had to push themselves beyond their limits and damn, they did so well.
2019 has been difficult, while we are already in the new year (which in itself has it's own different sets of challenges), these are some of the highlights of my school time in 2019. Most of the time, we'd look back at our mistakes and probably beat ourselves up because, like I said, we are our own worst critics. There are some positive situations and memories which I would definitely like to remember by and remind myself that you know, it isn't always all that bad. Just like how I've learnt some things, I hope it's the same for my students as well.
And hey! How could you forget some of your wonderful colleagues who makes your day a little bit better than usual. I mean, I am the youngest teacher there and I still have so much to learn but super grateful for these people for being around me. This one's for another day.
I believe that there are more memories that are stored somewhere, and probably it's best for me to keep those to myself and my close ones.
Coming back to the present,
How much more memories are there left to create?
We'll see.
