To my dear teachers;

I would like to dedicate this post to the teachers who has ever taught me before.

To my dear teachers; 

It's been almost a year since I've completed my year 1 journey as a Fellow/teacher and it has been 8 years since I completed high school.

There there has been laughter, frustrations which I did not know how to handle and then there were the tears. Tears of joy, sadness, exhaustion, being proud and everything all at once. Basically, an overwhelming roller coaster ride of emotions.

I remember back in high school, I wasn't exactly the brightest student and sometimes I felt looked down upon by my peers and teachers alike. There was a time when I confided in one of the teachers, and she laughed in my face. I still hold that resentment until today - I felt I was treated unfairly. Hence why I made it as a point to ensure that my students do not experience the same feeling as I did back then.

I remember making the some of you really angry due to my actions, behaviour and words. I wasn't an easy student. I remember you, Pn N who taught me Add Maths, you were around my current age and had just started working in DU and had to already be a class teacher to a crazy class. I remember seeing you struggle to teach us because you couldn't get our attention and had to scold us numerous times just to get our attention.The disappointed and frustrated look that you have every time we refuse to listen or play around during your class. I can't imagine the number of times you broke down and I don't blame you if your heart had already closed up from wanting to teach us.

I remember saying 'shit' and making a face at a teacher because I disliked being in that class and the teacher caught me for doing so. The entire class got lectured after. If you're thinking - what a nasty brat. Yes, I was. However, I went up to the teacher the next day and apologized for my wrongdoings and never did such a thing ever again.

There are also happy memories which I hold closely to my heart.

I remember Pn. T (my form 3 maths teacher) teaching my class and putting so much effort in wanting us to do better, eventhough we were the second last class in the entire form 3. The smile that Pn. Z puts on her fierce face, which proves a point that the RBF is really just a made up term because for all I know, Pn. Z has an incredibly soft heart. Or when I cried, and Pn. P told me that everything's going to be alright.

Being on this journey as a teacher, I realized that there were many things which I've done as a student back then that could have been way better. Likewise, I could also do better as a teacher. As a person who has just entered the education sphere, I am completely new to many things and I struggle sometimes with grasping information. I try to manage my time more strategically but that isn't the case, things in the classroom will always go haywire and there will be interruptions and things won't ever go your way. However, I could finally see a teacher's point of view - the exhaustion of having to deal with so many students with different personalities and background details, at the same time handling the crazy amount of paperwork and lesson planning. It must have been difficult for each and every one of you.

There are times where I have felt extremely disappointed and frustrated - constantly being hard on myself, questioning where and why have I failed. Reflecting back, whenever I felt disappointed or frustrated - I think of some of you, wondering if that's how you guys felt the same way I did whenever situations broke down. Back then, I didn't know better and had already said a few things that could or had already hurt you deeply. As a student, I've always thought that teachers should know their shit and be able to control a class and so on. Due to my young ignorance, I have completely forgotten that teachers are humans too.

I have learnt so many things and I am on this road of constant self-discovery, making adjustments and improvements wherever I go. Kids can be ruthless but it doesn't mean that they aren't gems secretly. Whenever I see my students, I see hope. Hope that they have yet to discover within themselves and as their teacher, I will walk along their side until they're able to stand on their own two feet, just as how you guys saw your own students go off and do great things in their lives (well i mean for me, I'm still discovering la okkk haha)

While my high school was a mess - most of the teachers did make a big impact in my life. I find it true that the naughtiest kids would always remember their teachers. I don't really get that cycle but it's true and it's there. I wouldn't be here without any of you and I would really just like to apologize and thank you for having taught me and being a part of my life. I promise that I will do better.

Signing off.